Chelsea are losing because they're cursed: A Theory

I’m done. Done trying to make sense of it. Done trying to figure out how a team that was so good last season can be so terrible this year. Done trying to understand how such an accomplished manager can orchestrate such a catastrophic meltdown. Done. I have rid myself from the tyranny of reason, and it’s only now that I can see the light. Finally, I have clarity.
Chelsea, you see, are cursed.

It’s true. And I know why, too. It’s because of the color red.
As you may remember from high school science class, the colors red and blue are on opposite ends of the visible color spectrum. The wavelengths of the two colors are diametrically opposed. Chelsea’s biggest rivals also play in red, which means it’s extra bad.

But, alarmingly, Chelsea have incorporated the color red into its team uniforms this season. The evidence of this is overwhelming.

(AP Photo/Scott Heppell)

It must be said, some of the red above acceptable. The red in both the club crest and the Premier League badge are both fine because they are used in soccer balls which, back in the day, used to be red. The red on the sponsor’s logo is presumably OK, too, because sponsors logos can (and often are) swapped on and off without ever really affecting the integrity of the shirt. It’s the other splashes of red — on the sleeves and collar — which are the most concerning.
The last time Chelsea featured red on the actual of design of the shirt it too followed a Premier League victory with a season of relative disaster. Chelsea finished the campaign trophy-less and were never really competitive in any of them. The ‘highlight’ of the season was signing $50 million striker Fernando Torres in January, who is considered one of the worst signings in Premier League history.

(ADRIAN DENNIS/AFP/Getty Images)

But lo’, this was not the only time Chelsea featured the cursed red on its team uniforms. Chelsea has boasted red-infused kits 15 times, according to HistoricalKits.co.uk, and has very little to show for it. The only major trophy the team won in a kit featured red was the F.A. Cup in 2010 (pictured above), and even that was a bit of a loophole: They only wore the kit for one game — the final against lower-league Portsmouth — and opted for the all-blue kit for the majority of the competition.
Between 1987 and 1995, Chelsea wore six red kits, lost in one F.A. Cup final and didn’t claim any other major trophies.